When you get a lemon . . .

. . . make lemonade!


But what I want to know is this: Why, oh WHY do we only have to get the answer from the optimist? (Don't answer that; it's a rhetorical question.) I mean, there are plenty of other kinds of people out there that could give us answers just as interesting and maybe even more pertinent to our lives. I will show you. Here is what I imagine other people would say for the punchline of this famous proverb (wince away!):

When you get a lemon . . .

(The actor) . . . be thankful it wasn't a rotten tomato.

(The optimistic pessimist--yes, I believe these do exist because sometimes I'm one!) . . . ferment it and see how much fun you can have making it disgusting.

(The masochist) . . . give yourself a paper cut and squeeze the lemon on it. (Of course!)

(The blonde) . . . see if the pawn broker will believe you when you tell him you've discovered limes made of real gold.

(The lawyer) . . . see if it has any money inside, then charge the person who sent it.

(The dentist) . . . put it in toothpaste so your patients will return often.

(The country singer) . . . write a song about it. You could call it "My Achy Breaky Lemon."

(The government) . . . collect enough to string around the earth and then pretend they're not there.

(Jack from the beanstalk fairytale) . . . watch out for tall people and scout about for the golden goose.

(The Israeli) . . . call the IDF--it could be a bomb.

(The Chinese) . . . slap a "Made in China" label on it and sell it cheap at Wal Mart.

(The mother-in-law) . . . swallow it when no one is looking.

(Jack Bauer) . . . try to look busy for 24 hours then shoot it.

(Taylor the Latte Boy) . . . transfer to a different Starbucks--fast.

(Thomas Edison) . . . plug it into the wall and people will say you're either mad or brilliant.

(Romeo) . . . make sure it's really a dead lemon before killing yourself.

(The whale) . . . swallow it--and keep it down.

(The shoplifter) . . . return it and ask for a refund.

(The relativist) . . . decide it's a peach so everything is all right.

(The Democrat) . . . blame it on the rich people.

(The practical) . . . save it for when someone has a stomach bug.

(The politically correct) . . . don't call it a lemon, you racist! You might hurt its feelings.

(The realist) . . . realize it's a lemon and don't pretend it's anything else.

(The evolutionist) . . . don't get too stressed wondering what kind of simple cell this creature came from.

(The socialist) . . . make sure everyone else gets one too.

(The Mercy) . . . tell it you're sorry for it.

(The Prophet) . . . tell it that it's yellow and sour.

(The Exhorter) . . . tell it that it could become lemonade.

(The Giver) . . . offer it sugar.

(The Teacher) . . . invent the perfect Minute Maid recipe.

(The Server) . . . I'll just go ahead and make the stupid lemonade!


The list could go on and on . . . I keep thinking of more. Anyone have any more ideas?