Sunday, June 20, 2010

I was just chased and hugged by a two-and-a-half foot man

What would you think of that for a Facebook status? Alas, my life is full of random moments where I think, "Now this would make an interesting Facebook status." Indeed, sometimes I'm tempted to run to the computer and put it on-line just because I think it sounds interesting and I wonder if anybody would say anything about it. After all, too often when I'm on the silly web site and I feel like it's time I update the mini story of my life, I stare blankly at the screen and realize I have nothing unique to say. I suppose I could type, "Kayla is on Facebook." That would probably be so dull it would have an original flavor, and original is always ideal. But since I'm on the computer and am not currently doing anything else I cannot honestly say that I'm doing something when I'm not. So I guess I have to mention something I did or am about to do. Hmm. "Kayla just ate lunch." Um, no. "Kayla is going running." I wouldn't want to give the false impression that I'm a disciplined runner. Actually, in past summers I've been a very disciplined runner but I decided that I was letting it become somewhat of a god so now I usually only go running when I want to or feel like it. So if people don't realize how disciplined I actually am (or am not) then they would not expect me to be fast or in shape and they can be pleasantly surprised when they (and I) discover otherwise. No, "Kayla is going running" says way more than I want it to and it's BORING to boot.

I feel, however, like I am not alone in this quest for a "special" Facebook status. Many is the time when I scan over my friends' statuses and see the words of a song. Huh? What does a song have to do with your life? I guess it might describe how they're feeling or what's going on in their head, but still I don't see much point in it. Well, perhaps I can understand it if it were a Christian song that's helping them through, but what's the benefit of some love song that says
The night is dark
dark
dark
But you're on my mind
mind
mind
I think you're the sweetest angel with wiiiiiiiings
Oh yeah
Don't look down
Look at me
Clap your perty eyes on mine!
Yeah, baby.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
Yeah, babyyyy!

Okay, so I have never seen anybody put those words on their Facebook status, but some of the songs that I've seen people use seem just as ridiculous if not more so in my ignorant, countercultural eyes. What's the point of a status like that? Is that how they're feeling? Then maybe they can just put down the essence of the song ("It's dark, you're on my mind, don't look down, look at me) and leave out all the "oh oh oh oh oh ohs" and the "yeah baby's" and not leave us with the feeling that some punk is taking over their life and giving them words that don't even sound like them! And the worst part of it is (for someone who makes an effort to actually write something clever), when somebody copies someone else's dumb words they get like twenty people commenting and saying they love their status!!! That's what weirds me out every time. (And as a disclaimer, I'm not really thinking of very many specific times this has happened, and even if it has I'm magnifying my subtle feelings so that I can express them--don't start thinking that I think you and all your friends who write things like this are dumb because I haven't been harboring any such feelings)

So, to avoid the blank feeling of trying to come up with something to say when I'm updating my Facebook status, I've started developing a habit of forming ideas throughout my day. However, I don't have a cell phone to send my updates on, so they always have to wait for whenever I get around to getting on the computer. The problem with this though is that neither do I like to seem like somebody who's a Facebook potato. It's easy to avoid this impression during the school year--I'm laptop-less at school and am usually so busy that I'm lucky if I go on once a week. However, now that the summer is here, it's easy to keep returning to this timewasters' magnet. Fortunately, I manage to keep my time short. I'll check my notifications, check my home page, make sure there aren't any pictures I feel like looking at, and leave--after I update my status perhaps. But now that I do this on a daily basis, I don't wish to update my status every time because I don't want people to get easily tired of hearing from me and think I'm on a lot even when I'm not.

What's more, I also have no idea how many people might, just MIGHT, be getting my Facebook statuses sent to their phones (Craig and Clyde are the only people I know of who do this so I shouldn't be worried, but still I feel a little weird to say something when I know they're going to be aware every time I do). I suppose I could take advantage of this. Maybe I should do five consecutive statuses that say "Kayla is" and then a sixth one that says "Kayla is wondering if Craig and Clyde are tired of hearing her Facebook status." That could be entertaining. On the other hand, I know my mom gets a number of people's Facebook statuses on her phone and there's one person (not, I think, among any of my readers) who updates their status several times a day saying things like, "I'm sipping tea in the garden and listening to the birds sing as I daydream." A fine, sedate status to be sure, but one gets tired of hearing things like that multiple times a day. I have no desire to manufacture statuses just so they can pester my brothers or my friends (though I guess it would be their own fault if they did).

So what's the grand result of all this soliloquizing? The result is that, even though I am often conjuring up Facebook statuses that range from the sublime to the ridiculous, so many of them do not reach the annals of Facebook because I'm afraid to post too often. Hence, a chapter of my life has been lost.

But blogs are a great way to redeem the lost written word.

Therefore, as this is officially The Flapping Lingua where nothing sensible needs be expected and where nobody is obliged to see my "status" unless they absolutely wish it, I think I'll list some Facebook statuses I've thought of before, whether I actually posted them or not. Who knows? Maybe I'll even keep it up and write down several in a day as a way to patchily catalogue events in my life. It's much more concise than writing a whole blog post, and I can write several at once without looking stupid like I would on Facebook. Even better, since this isn't Facebook it doesn't even have to BE clever!

If you want, you can "like" whatever statuses you'd like to in my comment box.:)

So here goes. (I've included a lot of actual updates from the past as a little history for those of you who don't keep an eye on every single one of my statuses:):

1. Kayla is munching on chicken cordon bleu. (I'm too lazy to look up the spelling of that beyond asking one person in my family, so if it's wrong it's their fault:)

2. Kayla is re-reading one of her favorite books, Jane Eyre.

2. If I could drink the breezy twilight on a summer evening, I'd imbibe an ocean full. (maybe too corny for FB, but fine right here)

3. Kayla was chased and hugged today by a two-and-a-half foot man. His name is Joseph A----. (That incident practically melted my heart when my three-year-old neighbor saw me leaving his house after I'd wished the rest of his family a good vacation and he caming running outside down the path after me to hug me and say good-bye. Wow, I thought the kid barely knew me)

4. (On a Sabbath afternoon) "Sun, sun, sun!"

5. Kayla is in a peachy state, both literally and metaphorically. (actually posted)

6. Kayla MISSES her Karen cousins.

7. "They say a race can only have one winner, and you know you've got to pull out front to win. God knows the only time I'm winnin' is when I'm chasing Him." (yeah, I know, it's a song; hence my hesitation)

Okay, the rest are actual updates. Sorry if you were expecting more original stuff. When it comes down to it, I've forgotten a lot of status "drafts" that I might have thought of before . . . but I thought it was interesting to go back over the past six months and pick out some of the things from my tiny public "diary."

8. What do you do when a cute five-year-old tries to push you off a dock?

9. Kayla scrubbed stairs with ammonia today while listening to Screwtape.

10. God doesn't give us a map. He gives us a compass. (a Perspectives class reading concept that really described how I was feeling while going through things with my dad's heart condition while at the same time wondering what the summer will hold)

11. Kayla is bound for Indy at 3 a.m. tomorrow, boy howdy! (boy howdy has become a favorite expression of mine :)

12. Kayla is basking up a storm in Gloucester. Free weekends are da bomb.

13. "Time that is enjoyed being wasted is not wasted time." Maybe, just maybe, that's true on vacation.

14. Kayla decided to join her brother in whatever movie he was watching. Who would have thunk that it would be Seven Brides for Seven Brothers?

15. God is good, in sickness and in health.

16. Kayla was so tired last night that she decided to sleep in her clothes. It made getting ready for today very easy! :) (That was when I did an entire drawing for class in one evening the night before it was due--not because I had procrastinated but because I didn't think I was allowed to draw what I wanted to until two days before and then I was too busy to do anything about it--the drawing later ended up on the cover of TOR)

17. Kayla is. What more proof does she need in order to know that God is good?

18. Kayla dreamed that she went Christmas shopping for characters from Lost last night. . . I guess someone is a little obsessed.

19. Kayla is enjoying the inexorable force of laziness. (my teacher, Dan, would have been proud of me for using the word "inexorable" :)

20. Kayla is starting to get the hang of this making dinner for thirty people thing.


2 comments:

lis said...

Kayla! I love you! Thanks for the laughter: I especially appreciated your witty, deep, and original song.

And yes, sometimes I write FB statuses in my head too. And then laugh. Or feel clever. Or whatever. Saves all the work of actually posting them. ;O)

KJ said...

I also like to think of clever status updates in my head. And sometimes I even write them down (OK, I did once anyway) so as to remember it for the next time I wanted to update....

I enjoyed your updates on here! I also like how it can be a mini-diary of life. Very interesting :)