The call: am I alone?

“‘You would not have called to me unless I had been calling to you,’ said the Lion.” –C.S. Lewis, The Silver Chair  

Since I posted last, a good friend of mine thanked me for writing but indicated that my story, thus far, is sad. I apologize for this. I don’t want anyone to walk away from this blog feeling more depressed than you were when you came. I’m sure you have enough burdens without my adding to them!

I should say that I really had a perfect childhood. I had parents who loved me and each other, older siblings who watched out for me, and a wooded sanctuary where I could roam free in air that remained unpolluted by drugs and other cares of the world. Really, I’ve led an Edenic life.

But we know now that even Eden isn’t completely safe.

And so I share the sadder details that went on in Eden, not because I’m trying to say that my life is harder than anyone else’s, but because most people looking on had absolutely no idea that my life wasn’t as perfect as it seemed.

How could they?

Even I was fooled.

But I also don't want to fool you into thinking that I was miserable the whole time.

Through my wandering, Jesus was there every step of the way. As I stuffed my feelings inside and kept silent, He kept whispering to my heart. As I hammered out each identity tag and hung it around my neck, He lifted other burdens that I couldn’t bear. And as I forced myself to kneel and pray to this God I was trying to please, He saw straight through my pious façade and gave me His treasures anyway.

That’s why we call Him a God of grace.

God

Reaching

Across

Chasms

Endlessly

As I dug chasms between my heart and God’s, His reach grew longer.

So when I look back and see a thousand mistakes and misperceptions, I don’t just see rain.

I see rainbows. 

Every mistake, every swallowed lie, drips with grace and now gives off the aroma of freedom and redemption.

And so, even as I searched fruitlessly for something to fill the nameless ache, I see now that I wasn’t so very far from the Answer. He was right by my side the whole time. In fact, I would never have found Him if He had not been calling to me all along.

Maybe you’re searching for Love, Life, or Adventure. Maybe you know somebody who seems very far from finding it. Wherever you are on your journey, you are not alone. You never have been and you never will.

The Lion has been calling your name every day.