How nice.
I read that in my Bible a couple of days ago, and blithely wrote "I want that kind of attitude" in my journal.
Oops.
Have you ever noticed that if you ask God for patience or humility that things will start going wrong? I have. In fact, I've gotten to the point when I almost laugh when things go wrong after asking for humility--God likes to answer prayer! And if you ask for patience or humility, God will give you chances to grow in those areas. Even if it hurts.
My day started out well enough. But somehow, things started going wrong. A virus tried to attack my brand-new laptop. The resume I was going to work on had been lost so I had to start from scratch. I couldn't get the formatting programs I was working in to do anything I wanted them to do. I spent hours laboring on the one big thing on my to-do list, and had gotten almost nowhere.
Like the favorite children's book I read to the kids in nursery, "I was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day."
I hate to whine, but there you have it. I can usually find silver linings and still manage to have an "okay" day, but for a little while I hated my life in general. I didn't know what the future held. I was directionless and almost purposeless. I had too much and too little to do at the same time. If I tried to find a job I might lose in the long run and if I don't find a job I lose in the long run. Everyone else has a good life except me. My bedroom was depressing because I hadn't completely finished a decluttering project from the day before. I couldn't even get a good start on the one thing on my to-do list that day. What is God thinking?!?
Blah, blah, blah.
Just call me Little Miss Grumpy. Even though I knew at the same time that my problems were silly compared to most people's problems.
It seemed almost devilish. I recalled a testimony that a man gave in church this past Sunday. He talked about how everything was going wrong in their house the night before and no one was sleeping well. In the middle of then night, their youngest child woke up screaming, and as his dad went up the stairs to go get him he thought, "This is just devilish." So he honored the Name of Jesus repeatedly as he mounted those stairs.
By the time he had reached the top, their infant was quiet. Everyone slept well for the rest of the night.
Weakly, I honored the Name Above All Names. Somewhere in there my sweet mother offered to help me by straightening my bedroom. I tried something different on my project.
I knew my mom was praying for me, because suddenly life started getting brighter. And brighter. Things flew together, and I ended my evening as a happy camper.
As I went to bed, two thoughts came to me. I hadn't put on the armor of God that morning, and we're in a battle. I had forgotten my warhorse spirit.
The next morning, the passages in Ephesians and Job about the armor of God and the warhorse were both in my regular Bible reading. I think God is trying to tell me something.
God's Word also brought conviction and recallibration to my spirit. As I read God's words to Job, ("Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding . . . Have you commanded the morning since your days began, and caused the dawn to know its place . . .?" etc.) I started feeling smaller and smaller. God is SO BIG!!!! Who am I to question Him? Who am I to complain in the pride of my heart? He has everything under control, including my measly little future, which is big too if I remember the bigness of the One who is giving it to me. Yes, I had enjoyed peace and even the allurement of my Savior in the wilderness, but I had allowed impatience and doubt to cloud my trust.
"Behold, I am of small account; what shall I answer you? I lay my hand on my mouth . . . I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted . . . I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you; therefore I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes." (Job 40: 4, 42:2, 5-6)
The good news? I am not alone. EVERYONE is on a similar journey to the future, looking for adventure and purpose. My experiences are not unique. At least, I hope I'm not the only one who has had a grumpy day, though sometimes it wouldn't surprise me. But we all can have the same Savior by our side each step of the way.
Farewell--Henceforth my place
Is with the Lamb who died.
My Sovereign! While I have They love,
What can I want beside?
Thyself, blest Lord, art now
My free and loving choice,
In whom, though now I see Thee not,
Believing, I rejoice.
Shame on me that I sought
Another joy than this,
Or dreamed a heart at rest with Thee
Could crave for earthly bliss!
These vain and worthless things,
I put them all aside:
His goodness fills my longing soul,
And I am satisfied.
--Margaret Mauro (age 22), "The Young Christian"
Besides, no matter what our various callings are, we all have purpose. We get to glorify God. We get to fight in the spiritual battle raging around us all the time. And we get to encourage each others' hearts.
"I have sent him to you for this very purpose . . . that he may encourage your hearts." (Eph. 6:22)
I pray that I have accomplished this last point just a little right here.
And now, I thank God for terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days. Sometimes they teach us the most.
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