What He really thinks

"No man can tell you who you are as a woman. No man is the verdict on your soul . . . The ache is real. But the verdict is false. Only God can tell you who you are. Only God can speak the answer you need to hear . . . our core validation, our primary validation has to come from God. And until it does, until we look to him for the healing of our souls, our relationships are really hurt by this looking-to-each-other for something only God can give." -John and Stasi Eldridge, Captivating

Several years ago, I wrote a blog post called "Defining a Man." I don't recall it was especially deep; it was mostly inspired by a breakfast conversation with the Bible school while I was still in high school. The amusing epilogue to that story is that after posting my article I was later informed that most all of the Bible school guys had read it. Since I'm pretty sure most of them hadn't read my blog before and haven't since, it tickled my funny bone. If you want a guy to read your stuff, write about him! (I'm partially kidding.)

However, I realize I never wrote a post about Defining a Woman. It is late and I don't really want to tackle that challenging topic, but I would like to touch upon it.

As you may have gathered, I've been reading John and Stasi Eldridge's book, Captivating, and I have found it to be very rich, enlightening, and true. Truer than I knew. I don't think I could even dream of besting their job of "Defining a Woman," they summed it up so well. Still, I want to make a personal observation or two.

Every girl longs for adventure. Every girl wants to be considered beautiful. Every girl wants to be thought of as captivating. A few months ago I would have recoiled from making such drastically girly statements. Although romantic at heart (shh--don't tell!), I scorn gushy romance novels, squirm in movie kissing, gag over sappy Facebook comments, roll my eyes at some of the behavior of new couples, and tease some of my "pink and pretty" friends. But I have gone past the point of self-denial. The three sentences that started this paragraph are true for me too.

What's more, in the Curse God gave Eve an aching void. She thinks that the only thing that can fill this is Adam, but she is to learn that she is wrong. The only thing that can fill that void is God. This is nothing new. "In every human heart there is a God-shaped void" and that sort of thing has been told to me over and over again. But there is a unique aspect, a poignant truth in how this relates to women. If you are one, you'll understand.

For years I have consoled my own aching heart by telling myself, "Jesus thinks I'm tops," (a phrase I actually wrote when I was fifteen), "Jesus thinks I'm beautiful," and that sort of thing. It isn't bad to tell yourself things like this, especially since they're true. They helped me at the time, but in the long run it wasn't enough. It was like trying to slap a band-aid on a gaping wound.

In the past two years, I've discovered another balm-giving phrase: "Jesus satisfies my longing soul." And it's true. I want to emphasize this. However, so often I didn't even know what I was longing for, so how was I to know that He'd satisfied it? I long for Jesus Himself, yes, but I also craved validation. Validation that would answer my Question.

I didn't know what my Question was until I read Captivating. I hadn't fully realized that I could actually bring my Question to Jesus and expect a reply. So I did. And for my first time, I got my answer.

It was, "Yes."

My life hasn't changed in an instant. I'm still the same too-sensitive, wanting-people-to-like-me, sometimes-people-loving and sometimes-people-avoiding person, but deep down, I believe something is different. I have a liberating confidence I didn't have before.

I know what my Savior thinks of me. Not because I told myself, or because somebody else told me. I know because He told me. Certain worries and fears gradually start to melt--who cares what people think anyway? The desperate need for human validation--in any form--diminishes.

After all, once you realize you have the good opinion of the Creator, the good opinion of His creation doesn't seem to matter quite so much.

Would that we all took the time to ask our Creator what He really thinks of us.