"He answered, 'Whether he is a sinner I do not know. One thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see.'" -John 9:25
I mentioned in an earlier post that I left blogging to write on social media more. As I look back on what God has done in my life and the Story that He is writing, I want to share some pieces I wrote elsewhere because they are still true and I hope they will encourage you.
On March 24, 2016, I wrote the following (I have only changed the spacing and a few minor word choices):
I grew up in the emotional wreckage of a church split. One year, the pews were bursting; the next, I wondered where many of my friends had gone.
Try explaining that one to an eight-year-old.
I'm almost twenty-five now, and while I will never completely understand the pain of both parties, I understand a lot better why so many people left. For awhile, I only heard the reasons. Now I understand some of the reasons for myself.
Oh yes. I have wrestled with doubts about my church and experienced cynicism when I see a seemingly legalistic mentality or the glorification of a leader or church. An organization is only as perfect as the people who run it.
However, I have learned to plunge into the well of God's love, and when I do, my eyes are washed so I can see people as God sees them.
I don't see cross drill sergeants; I see passionate men who make mistakes, but whose hearts are aflame for God.
I don't see bitter people sputtering hurtful things about my great-great-grandfather and Family; I see beloved brothers and sisters who heard the same damaging lies that I heard about performance and church glorification, lies that left me bruised and exhausted.
If God had let me go far away to college, I might have experienced deliverance and then left my church, never to return again.
But He didn't. He told me to stay.
And when I really listened to the heart of God and the hearts of the men and women around me, I realized something.
None of those lies were coming from God or the people around me.
They were coming from the Enemy of our souls. This is the Enemy who seeks to divide the Body of Christ because he sees what a force it can be and fears it.
Like the guy in John 9, I was a person born spiritually blind. Jesus healed me with mud and spit. But it wasn't fun getting dirty or having people disregard who I am in lieu of whose child I was or whose last name I bore. I am of age. Ask me!
I don't know what I think about my ancestors, but I know this: I was blind, and now I can see!
I see a great and loving God.
I see men strong and fearless, no matter how many insecurities they may have.
I see women tall and beautiful, no matter how many worries they may have.
This past year, I have stared spiritual blindness in the face and have been overcome by grief again and again. I'm tempted to hate the blind face, but when I see with God's eyes, I can only feel compassion. I was blind too and am probably still blind in many areas.
So, like Katniss Everdeen, I have been repeating these words to myself:
"Remember who the real Enemy is."
I know that sometimes churches must split and people must move on. God uses these things. But before you make that decision to cut yourself off, please remember that, occasionally, that's exactly what the Enemy wants.
And never forget that, while you are the one leaving, the Body behind you might still be bleeding. An arm or an eye might be dispensable, but that still leaves the Body without an arm or an eye. Every joint supplies something valuable. This is because every person is infinitely valuable.
Jesus Christ proved it by dying for each of us.
The central message of Christ's life was the Kingdom of God--a thing so mysterious to most of us.
Put simply, Christ's Kingdom is a kingdom of hearts where Jesus is King, followers are in community, and everyone is in tune with the King because each one has an intimate relationship with Him that is fueled by His Spirit.
As followers of Jesus cultivate this relationship with Jesus and make Him the center of their lives, absolute and harmonious unity among followers should be the result, no matter their nationality or individual doctrine.
Where does resentment in the wake of church splits align with Christ's Kingdom unity?
It doesn't.
And so, I confess my own cynicism--of my church and of others. But I refuse to listen to the Enemy's divisive lies. Instead, I choose to plunge into the Well that never runs dry.
Only by throwing ourselves onto the grace of God can we be saved.
Only by allowing the messy Love of God to touch us can we see and be utterly transformed.
Only by seeing each other with these healed eyes can we be one, even as Jesus and His Father are one.
I love you all madly.
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